When everything’s gone

Time check, 3:04 AM, December 22, 2011 and I’m still awake. The electricty was resumed 1 AM after replacing the service drop connectors for the main circuit breaker of the house. Now, I’m writing this post as usually, this is the time when I reflect on things.

And as always, I’m always open to opinions. Oh, for the people who will read this, write comments here, not on facebook. :))

And also for once, I really like to know who among my circle of friends are reading this blog. 🙂 Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hide stuff after knowing the people reading this blog.

So why the title? You know those times or moments that made you happy somehow in your life and then they’re all gone, hidden, buried away somewhere, hoping it will return? I do find it a bit disappointing if I’m honest. It can be due to something that appeared or happened or probably just a matter of time and all other possible reasons that can affect things the way they were. Of course, you or I could have done something about it but sometimes, it really catches you by  surprise that it leaves you powerless to change the course of things. Although sometimes, you might be assuming things beyond the acceptable point. But you know that feeling, that things are different now and it feels like it’s gonna be like that for a while or forever.

Somehow, it has a connection to one of my previous post, if you have read it. You being the person who is needed or can be bothered at the worst of times and then become a ghost or vanish all of a sudden when things go well. Then, when you try to turn things around to your favor, the world suddenly kicks in an go against you, sometimes at the very nasty way one can think of. It’s sad as this “world” can only see the outer shell, most of the time. Of course, the danger of assumptions is still there and one should be really careful not to jump to conclusions.

Sometimes, I would just sit down and see how things go and fly by. Being bothered whether I should have done something about doesn’t really matter much unless it’s a super serious situation. Though some people say you should fight for yourself but you know those times when you really feel powerless and say “Oh…yeah…never mind. There are other things to do..” And as I’ve said earlier, people around might think against you since they’re seeing something that seems to go well and might get wrong if you butt in.

I remembered what my mentor told be about such situations. He told me a story about a UP student who got 5.0 on a test but studied hard for it. What that student did was to go back home and simply play basketball. Then reflect. I also do that for most of the time. Do some hobbies I like and then try to figure things out. Sometimes, it’s our fault, sometimes it’s others’ and sometimes it’s fate.

I’m just thankful that I have close friends that I can bother and tell stories to. Somehow it relaxes me when I tell my frustrations to them. Of course, I’m not like the people I mentioned above who make my friends like ghosts when I don’t need them. I do cherish them so much. I try my best to connect to them and try to see how they’re doing. I love them so much.

I so want answers for this matter. If you want to share ideas or stories related or you want me to think about certain things regarding this matter, please do so. 😀 And do it here. 😀 I would really love to hear from you. 😀

MixMas 2011

Oh yeah, to some of you, that term above isn’t familiar. That’s how my high school barkada calls our annual reunion. It’s also a special one as we celebrate our reunion every Christmas, during the famous UP Lantern Parade. Although, it’s fun, sometimes some friends cannot come due to some reasons but still fun. It’s the reunion that we’re after. This recent lantern parade, I was able to tell stories to my friends and in a way, it’s a relief. It’s like releasing some of my frustrations in life. What’s nice is that I get to listen to advises from where I am standing in some situations. Although it’s a short talk so I wasn’t able to talk about it much because it’s not only my story that we have to catch on, of course the others should be heard.

It is so much fun. Bonding with friends, saying stories, listen to stories, give advice, I miss those times and now it’s here again. I will really cherish this annual meeting no matter how big or small the celebration may be. 

I don’t know if it’s “safe” to talk about matters mentioned during our bonding. >:) Let’s just say there’s a particular decision that I’m thinking of doing or not. Of course, hearty conversations and a lot of “What if’s” were asked, trying to gauge every scenario that can happen with a yes or no on that particular decision. What’s interesting is that different minds, different opinions get to join into a unanimous answer (though I haven’t received that unanimous answer but I’ll get there) This decision of mine has the tendency to ruin things, if I’m a bit frank. Though it’s up to me whether to push through or not, things might not be the same again, at some point, if I push through or I’ll suffer the frustrations if I don’t. But either way is not really that of a big matter for now. (I hope. :D)

 

I do cherish my close friends. They are the ones who are really there when you need them. I know I saw them recently, but I suddenly missed them again. I miss them so much.

When the people who make you smile at the end of the day…are the most unexpected.

’nuff said. 😀 Monster doin’ it right. :))

Coolness

Sometimes, people ditch you, not pay attention to you as much as before and the like… But, there is always a bunch of things to do and to think about! So stay happy and be cool always. 😀

Things will never be the same

I do tend to think this way whenever I did something in the past, whether those things were wrong or not. Decisions play an important role in this subject of mine.  Those changes that affected me the most are the ones that have been decided by myself and of course there are exceptions. Sometimes I end up happy, sometimes disappointed and sometimes give a reaction “oh..ok” or “I see”.

Those decisions that I end up happy are quite self-explanatory. It’s you who decided and it turned out to be good. But how about those decisions that left me a sitting duck or let be bit the dust?

If I’m honest?

I am super depressed whenever I realize that I should have decided the other way around. One of those moments are the  very annoying and frustrating times when it’s too late to change your choice. Those times when you thought you can still make it, change everything or at least most of the things into your favor but the fact that it was already late, your efforts are wasted. Whether it’s about work, studies, friends, relationships, colleagues, it really kills you down. I’ve encountered a lot of times like these and most of them were really hitting the spot of depression. It crushes you down into pieces, pulverizing you to dust, leaving you wondering what to do next. What’s worse is when you’re trying to move on, everything that will remind you of the recent bad decision you made will always be around you, reminding you of your stupidity.

What makes you lead to these bad decisions? Sometimes, it’s the concern of not ruining things down, avoiding to hurt others and keeping things intact. It’s like a sacrifice of yours rather than pushing what you want because when you push through, you’ll end up in the wrong spotlight and people will think something against you. So then you end up as the bait so that everyone’s happy in what they see. Sometimes,  it’s common sense stupidity, especially in simple matters like “I should have bought that…” or “I should not get this….”.

So it really takes a lot of guts to push to a decision that would let you have your way. Sometimes, people won’t even believe you when you defend this decision of yours so you’ll end up going after that will let things go.

My take? Whether it’s a good decision or a bad one and whether it led to a bad or good consequence, always think why things happened that way. Then, instead of sulking about deciding the other way around, why not think of ways not to let such event happen again? Those bad decisions and bad consequences will make you learn a lot about yourself and that’s where you make your changes. People around may not look at you the same way after such events but hey, you can always make a new impression. If it doesn’t change anything to them, there are more and more audience that, for sure, willing to see new good people, especially if they changed from something that seemed to be bad.

I’ve done a loooooooooooooot of decisions before which led to loss of people’s trust, misunderstandings and missed opportunities. But because I ought not to live in these decisions, people around me, especially close friends, are there to remind me of how I should approach such things and move on and be a better person from it. And with that, I rarely (or sometimes don’t) experience any form of depression or frustrations. Things will most likely never be the same again but it doesn’t mean that you cannot move on. There are a lot more things to focus on, more important problems to tackle and more opportunities out there to look after. 😀

Stories? I am willing to tell some of mine. Let’s talk about it sometime. 😀 Just tell me when. 🙂

Friends who become ghosts.

I observed that, in a circle of friends, when one enters a relationship, or two among your friends become in love with each other and about to enter or just entered a relationship, they start to become isolated a bit. Of course, and I’m going to say this now, there are exceptions just like anything else. This is just an observation of mine, and comment if you want if I said something wrong. Now, I’ve noticed this kind of event every now and then, within my circle of friends, colleagues and other people as well.  But it can’t be helped and sometimes we just have to be tolerant, we friends. 😀

Although it may be a different story if the person you are close to is the one who enters in a relationship. I’m not saying this because I’m frustrated not having a relationship right now. Before I encountered this and it really made me think a lot. The attention of your friend lowers down and you become a ghost. You appear only when he or she needs something from you and only you can do this favor or you are the only one he or she can trust to do it. At first, it’s really irritating because the amount of bonding time  you usually have with this friend of yours is so sufficient and then it suddenly decreases until you get out of the picture. Eventually, you’ll feel depressed and just hang-out with some other friends. If you’re desperate, you’ll try and try to get that friend’s attention but trust me, you’ll fail.

Those times when both of you talk about problems and good stories are gone. Those bonding moments, all are taken to that friggin’ relationship that’s already there or just about to take shape. Jealous? in way, yes.

But keep this in mind, all the time: you are a friend. Much more if that friend’s bestfriend. You have to take this into consideration that this supposedly inevitable event will eventually happen. You have to understand and for sure when you enter a relationship, you’ll also experience this. You’d probably, and your friend as well, won’t notice that they’re not giving enough attention to everything else. Come on, just as what everybody else is saying, it’s “love”.

I’ve experienced this before and I realize I nearly made myself look like an idiot and I’m experiencing this yet again. Yes, definitely you’ll become a ghost to this friend of yours and might vanish from this person’s perspective but if you’re the true friend, you’d be the sort of person who’s the 911 in his or her need. Of course, it’s a different story when you are also planning a relationship with this person and kind of considering yourself a failure. But in the aspect of being a friend or bestfriend, be that person. Don’t mind if you don’t get the same amount of attention as before. Other people will know your story and be a good friend to you as well and I think that will be enough to compensate for you.

 

Some stuff I want for Christmas

Well, no one’s blogging about this yet but I just want to post this since I wasn’t doing this before. 😀 I won’t put stuff into order because technically I want them all. 😀 This is just a WISHLIST, it’s up for me or other people if these things will be sent to me as a gift or not.

Arduino UNO Prototyping Platform (P1300-P1500)- I’ve always wanted this ever since I heard it from the upperclassmen when I was in third year college. I did not like it because of the programming part but when I got exposed, I yearned to have one myself. I just wanted the UNO because I’m not yet an expert prototyping person but hopefully this one will help me to be an expert in such field. It’s an electronics prototyping platform which uses a microcontroller(nosebleed) to make your electronics project work.

Sennheiser PX 100-II (P3000)- Although I smell this one coming, I tested this one at DigitalWalker in Greenhills and it was absolutely terrific. The bass levels where just right for my ear and it doesn’t dissolve the treble. It’s just like the Studio Monitors of my brother but more bass. 😀 and it comes in a portable package, unlike the Studio Monitor which is only meant for indoor use.

Logitech Rumble Gamepad F510/F710 (P1500) – I know CDR-KING’s USB controllers are working but just like any other CDR-KING product, it’s a matter of luck to get a perfectly working device. This Logitech gamepad costs excessively more than the generic product but this will surely last longer. Although it comes in a one-to-one correspondence of controller to USB port, it’s still a good thing to buy since it has features like the trigger-type R2-L2 buttons.

Capdase Leather case (P900) – Oh, I forgot, I also want to replace the screen protector of my phone. Self-explanatory.:D

Tamiya 1:10 R/C unit (~P15000) – Definitely an expensive hobby but I still want to get one. And it’s not gonna be like the old Mini 4wd days wherein I just buy and buy machines and never tune them up. Since this one is tad expensive, I’d like to focus on one machine only. I can also use the Arduino on this for some interesting projects. 😀 This is a 1:10 scale, Shaft driven 4WD Radio controlled car with suspension settings for Drifting. 😀 Sophisticated electronics include a variable speed controller which makes the throttle, not full go and full stop, but rather variable and controllable.

MG HeavyArms/RG Strike (P1,700-P2000) – I know Gundams are expensive hobbies as well but I suddenly miss building one again. 😀

Collared shirts in plain, rainbow colors and new pair of jeans – I’m out of clothes, really. But I want to collect rainbow colors. If not, then I’ll just have rainbow colors of tailored polo’s.

New pair of Nike Air Max/Nike 6.0 – my air max just went out of service (unless I can still have it repaired.)

Food – chips, chocolates, beef jerky, lotsa food. Make me fat please

A full-size backlit keyboard – My ALT key gave up yesterday. but happily it’s just one key. However, it is still awkward since I use the left ALT key for switching windows. Now it switches selection within your active window rather than switching windows.