Fearful Forecast

This morning, I checked the signups to see how many have already signed up for assessor application. AAAND it was bad because I only saw about three who signed up when I needed about 20 more for this coming registration. Looking at the situation, it seems that SOM venue is fine in terms of assessor number but my team, GRAD as well as SOSE is in trouble. SOSS lost I think one assessor. What fears me most is SOSE’s number because it means that I’ll have to dig up accounting assistants from other schools, very far from the plan of sticking a new set of seven trainees for accounting assistants. GRAD is also a big problem because the team is formed to have at least 20 people but now, with SOSE’s concerns, I might stick to our magical number, 14… What crazy-*ss sh*t this is. I hope I will be able to fill up, at least, SOSE’s team and the seven accounting assistants. I am thankful that some assistants before are still willing to stay despite the plan.

BAD TUESDAY

There will always be someone who’s gonna ruin your day, and I promise this one today isn’t a funny one. I really hate that attitude of people that suddenly replies to whatever you say in a disrespecting way. Those people who deeply embraced the ideologies of this school really embarrasses me big time. BOASTFUL is the word.

And guess where I encountered this person? where else. AND YOU, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I though I will be able to see good people around if I enter this once again. In fact, it was going quite well until what happened today. It really snapped the foundations of my good impressions about this group. Ever since I saw this person, at first glance I thought he’s not gonna be the person I thought, including all presuppositions about the group. Oh how I wished I became active at the very start. I am trying to be active in this org and this is what I get? disrespect? Boy, you got some reputation I admit but I think you’re hovering over the waters too far.

Am I getting a bit selfish? I think so. But this wouldn’t happen if your guy over there did not prove the assumption I generated about him. I guess just by seeing what he did shows a lot about him as well as this group. Just as many here who are deeply immersed into ideologies, this one has its own. Now I don’t give a damn if I get kicked out of this group. One sem is quite enough to discover how the people here treat those who have been in it but was not able to meet its expectations before but trying to do them once again. Talk about position, huh.

EH what about those who are not like him? Well guess what, I think when it all boils down on choosing between us two, you’d rather go for the one who has “contributed more” and it’s obvious who gets that title. I guess I was REALLY wrong at the very start.

I am not the sort of person who would embrace these ideologies so don’t call me as if I belong to your group as well in this place. Sorry, but I just don’t  prefer the attitude of the people here. I prefer UPD’s, the people there and the whole environment.

Damn, what a sucker, just ruined my day. Thanks

Monday

zoom-zoom

Yeah, I so love driving. It’s one of those things that I love to do especially when I am depressed or lonely. It lets me reflect on things I need to give a heavy thought. It’s that sense of freedom far better than drinking alcohol excessively. It’s not speed that makes this possible. Speed is like a drug that your body seeks all the time once you get addicted to it. But I am not addicted to speed. I am fascinated by it but I am not addicted to it because at some point, driving becomes boring especially if you are not turning the steering wheel often. Thrill is what I am looking for and don’t get me wrong by saying that I claim that there’s no thrill in straight-line racing. There is thrill in 300kph driving but it’s not as much fun as driving to winding, mountain roads. And it’s more thrilling to drive to those kinds of roads when you have a super lightweight car that only have a bit less that half the power that 300kph vehicles have. That’s why Initial D is far more famous that Wangan Midnight. 😀

Anyway, back on the topic…  I don’t know. Probably the things that you reeeaally like to do makes you really happy despite any bad aura around. Talk about people, there are some who would really make you happy and some will make you totally disappointed.

I don’t like that attitude of people wherein they would befriend you so much just because they can get something from you and when you need something from them, they do not respond. Letting them get what they want from you isn’t really that of a bad idea but when the time comes for your turn to ask some help from them, they turn you down. I also don’t like those who are jumping to conclusions, judging you immediately on impressions. Also those who are “plastic”, I just cannot bear their attitude.

Oh well, I guess with this generation, it is inevitable. I guess I just have to comply. Maybe I am too old-fashioned. Maybe. 😀 Loser? it’s your call. But before you call me that, why not try my position first?

Wednesday

Yeah, nice shot over there. 😀 But that’s not from PSP. That screenshot came from GT4 in PS2.It’s my favorite car now, Honda S2000 from Powerhouse Amuse. 😀

RACE! We just finished TADCANRA, the Data Comms [TCOM141] version of the Amazing Race. Honestly, I wasn’t really that interested until our teacher pulled out a neat trick of making the first, second and third place exempted on the upcoming exam. Although in the end, everyone was exempted having the whole race lasted for 4 hours.

It was indeed tiring because the whole race had its stations placed around Ateneo, literally and they were all very far from each other. 😀 But if was fun.

When I got home, I immediately took a bath and ate dinner because I am soooooooooo tired.

As I sat on my bed, I tried to go over the things I want to do in my life. Well, of course aside from getting a car and drive every night I want, things like having a girlfriend or more friends kicked in as well.

Hay. 😐 Bored? Probably. 😀

At the right place

Quite hard to find, if I’m honest. I think this is life’s biggest challenge or probably one of life’s biggest challenges that shall end only when you die. 😀 Oh how I want to see my friends now. Friends outside Ateneo but I guess they are all busy because this is their graduating year. Hay.

Suddenly, I had this feeling again of being desperate to fit myself into a place. As if I don’t belong no matter how I try. I don’t know but I really pay so much into importance. If I feel that I am not that important to a place, a group of people or a person, I do leave that place or people. Sometimes, I don’t know if I am really carrying that title “Kuya Pau” very well. Sometimes, I don’t feel that position and that people rarely recognize that. Am I really present?

If I am pessimistic (and I am starting to be), people around me recognize my presence just to make me feel as if I am there but not reeeaally that important. That’s why sometimes, I get frustrated or disappointed when people call me Kuya. I know it has something to give me, being that “Kuya” but I don’t know… am I really that person?

Oh well. I think I’ve had enough. Maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions again but this one’s awkward because not only it haunts me badly, it freaks me out most of the time. It was a good experience going into this place and it’s fine if I go out of it or stay. I think I also found the answer but I can’t reach it yet. The answer to the question that was given to me before I entered this place.

Unwinding, huh. I watched a movie, after what, months? then I finally got to taste beer again! Then after that, I went to Krispy Kreme. 😀 Missed the red sign 😦 Oh well. It was not enough, I wanted mooooore. It’s like an unfinished soul searching. identity search…..

Hay. I want a change of style, pace, life. I really want to change eeeverything. I hate this state, view, experiences. I want to change. I badly want to…