I fully admit, I am not that of a good teacher, just after that class and even if it’s just a lab class but I tried my best at being the good ‘ol upperclassman in the room. It’s a nice thing that I only heard the word “Sir” once. Though it’s a nice way of respecting, well, older people but at least I felt a bit like my job in LSAT. It was a nice experience for me and I don’t have to deal with the annoying stuff of teaching because of their number.

But I did realize some things. Being a teacher, it takes a lot of discipline. Instead of opening my iPod and listen to music while I watch over some college students scramble off on their lab work, I immediately went back to my laptop’s archives and searched for the exact, same laboratory paper I did for that particular lab work. I even read some references and opened new ones. There’s this fear of shame that the “students asked questions and I can’t answer” bugging me the whole time. Good thing that my laboratory work experience is still there and I was able to help one group troubleshoot their erratic results.

It takes patience and tolerance when doing such stuff. More, of course, when during lectures. If it were the original teacher present on that period, the last group would’ve lost it. I intended to be lenient, just like I did in LSAT but I guess it won’t work all the time. I did let them work until my friends are bugging me to hurry up because of a company tour and it’s because of the knowledge that they get while doing the work. There were a set of questions which really let them think the answer. There’s also a mix of patience and tolerance involved because you have to measure the amount of time and discipline on their side. Whether you gonna let them finish or let them realize that they’re not doing their best at work, it’s up to the teacher to decide.

After that class, it was stressful but how much more it can be when classes are more intense like lectures? I bet my throat will dry up after 15 minutes. I can’t even speak in front of my assessors for more than 30 minutes without drinking water. However, in a way, I do like doing teaching stuff. At least I can say I can teach, not the best in the business, but the experience is there and I can grow and improve from there.

It was in the animation “Initial D” where I heard that the chasing position lets you concentrate more in a dog fight. Or maybe it only applies to the protagonist. Talk about chasing, and that idea into consideration, I was wondering if it’s a good help in real life. Because most of us will go and chase whatever we want to go after (career, material things, social or love life, stuff like that) and sometimes reach a dead end. That feeling when the one thing you’re chasing suddenly puts a distance until it disappears from your view (sounds like Initial D, really) is really disappointing. Although sometimes, distance is a great thing. It might be the saviour of the things around, including yourself. Then eventually, when you deem everything in ideal or near ideal conditions, you close the gap and overtake or completely capture the one you’re chasing, whether it’s a short distance or an endurance-kind of a challenge.

I’m still trying to discover my strengths and weaknesses and I really like to take my sweet time over this one. Or rather, still discover myself while using the facts when dealing with things. I know obstacles will really be there, fog to hide some things from your site and other unwanted things.

One thing’s for sure: the One up there is guiding us all. It’s not that everything is up to Him but everything else that we cannot handle on a particular situation, He’ll take care of it. The strength to overcome disappointing events and sometimes, miracles. Although some of us might doubt, including me, because we don’t get the comfort that we get when things go wrong but for sure it’s meant for us to think things over because it’s not His move YET.

It’s a good thing to have people to listen to you when you encounter such events but don’t expect that, even if they’re called “someone to be there when you need them”, they will immediately attend to your needs all the time. When you value them, including their activities, their time, you’ll be able to appreciate their presence. For example, I got two friends, both in 3rd year college wherein we just started just talking about life and what’s happening around and it’s a nice sharing event for me because in a way, I can release my frustrations and share my happiness with them, even for a short amount of time and it’s a big help.

So what’s the connection with the chasing? Well, here’s the connection: disappointment. Get rid of it. That’s what I learned. We do get frustrated when we fail to catch with what we’re chasing. After all the lengthy and chunky efforts that we pushed then we end up on a dead end, it is really mind and heart crushing but try to reflect if these things we’re meant to happen. For sure, even if you stop at a dead end, you’d realize that there’s a detour somewhere along the way. There’s another chance for things or a new opportunity to start over. I’ve encountered this many times, some were really because of utterly stupid decisions but most of the encounters were plainly “simply just because it happened” and I cannot do anything about it. But it doesn’t mean that you failed on your part, creating assumptions why this happened so and so: don’t think like that, avoid it. Best thing to do is to think of the next, proper thing to do despite the situation and carry on. Like I said, there’s probably a detour or a diversion along the road the you have never seen because your too  focused on something else. It’s also a matter of decisions but sometimes, things really spring out inevitably and all you can do is to re-plan, sometimes on the spot.

I tell you, whether you failed or not, you look back to those event wherein you made the right actions? It is still a fulfilling journey. You can let the sadness be there a bit, just to release that strong feelings but don’t let it eat you. Then quickly switch yourself to thinking positively.

What’s present there are not chances but opportunities.

So the second phase of the day starts after eating lunch (alone, but yummy though). I was thinking of really going down to the Job Fair but with all the confusion regarding the board exam review and working, I finally decided to tackle the Job fair tomorrow. For the rest of the day, I took a nap until my professor asked me to do some work regarding the change in curriculum of our course. I proceeded normally, finishing the task  quickly as possible, and drinking tons of water. The day ended with my professor assigning last set of tasks for the curriculum change and my presentation going well. Then I noticed this close friend of mine is talking casually again but I did not ask her about her depression that afternoon, might bring sad face to her again. So instead, gave her a hug and hope it helped.

Arriving home, I reinstalled first the speakers back to their mounts as well as the printer, rearranged my bed and began working again. Oh yeah, nearly forgot, Mom was able to save up for a pizza night so before I switch to my “own” world, she encouraged me to eat pizza for dinner, which meant calling our beloved delivery service and call for what’s in my tummy right now.

…and we’re signing back in for work!

I also had small conversations with friends outside school via phone and I learned some things regarding what happened today. Really happy there are people ready to listen to you and I will always be open to them and I will cherish them in my whoooole life. Couple that with small events, including a hearty hug from parents at the end of the day, makes this day still depressing but less depressing than the start.

New screen protector, new shirts, new controller, new Arduino, new shoes.

I should be able to do some shopping for these but I decided to attend the activities out of town. Now I don’t have time to look for them. HOWEVER, I think, after the activities out of town, are better. I’ll just find some other time for these things. xD

There are decisions that requires minimal thinking and there are decisions that are life-critical. Our whole life depends on what we choose for ourselves and for others. Although the problem here is the aftermath or result of every decision that we make. Sometimes we do get good results and this makes us so much happy, so much joyful and so much fulfilled and sometimes we get unfavorable results which makes us depressed and frustrated. Also, when we get results, we nearly forget everything else. Most of the good decisions we make doesn’t just involve ourselves. We may also involve other people in such a way we ask for consultations from them. They also influence much of what we do: friends, family, co-workers and colleagues. Then, when our decisions come to a bad end, we blame them, we blame everything, not just ourselves.

So what I do every decision I make is to prepare myself for it. You should always prepare for decisions. Preparations for when it goes well and when it goes wrong. When it goes well, you should remember the people involved (there will always be one at least, involved ) and thank them for guiding you. When it does not go well, you still go to those people and tell your story, and rather than blame them, just share what you experienced so that you’ll be able to help them when they encounter something similar.

Of course when you end up well after a particular decision, there’s no other word for it, Happy! But when things go wrong, what should you do? Some end up so frustrated, they become so violent. Some are so disappointed that they find something that will patch things up in order to forget it. What I’d do is to try and examine that particular decision again and ask, what could be the cause? What could be the problem? What went wrong? Then, rather than stay there, I ask myself “what’s the next best thing that I can do, so that it won’t happen again or I will know how to encounter it”. And because I prepared for this particular decision, your foundations for coping with the situation is there. Your heart knows what to do once you hear the bad news and then make another set of thinking of the best step that you will take to move on.

Don’t entertain frustrations and disappointments as much as possible.  Take this opportunity, in fact, to rediscover, or if not, discover more yourself. When you entertain these frustrations so much, it’ll lead you to some place not very nice. Venting your disappointments to something isn’t really good and might even make you destructive or unpleasant. Move on and discover yourself.

At some point, it may be unbearable for one to immediately accept the result of the decision or the situation. Then let it fly away slowly, as there is no need to hurry. Hurrying makes us just put patchwork. It’s still there, still visible but when we let the pain heal, it will be more fulfilling despite the bad happening.

Lastly, be cheerful. When you are cheerful, and truly cheerful, no matter how bad the result may be, it will keep you going. Someone who is truly cheerful doesn’t use cheerfulness as a mask(that’s not even cheerful, it’s a means to escape the problem). Someone truly cheerful is what I mentioned above, will accept the situation and make the next best move, which will be another decision. Do this positive thinking on decisions and your decisions will keep getting better and better, more acceptable with any result and more fulfilling.

The year 2011 started with more of my academics, specifically POS100, TH141 and FIL14. Those were good core subjects, mainly because of the professors/teachers. Ms. Anne Candelaria was the prof for the POS 100 class and she was one wacky, interesting but excellent teacher. Sir Bobby Guevara was the teacher I got for TH141 which gave me a lot of insights with his stories, though more related to our discussions that time, but he made it interesting and related to our lives. Lastly, I finally managed to get Sir Alvin Yapan for Fil14 which was a really funny class but I learned a lot of trivia stuff there.

Then there was the OJT at Ateneo Innovation Center which became a sausage fest. (Though one of us now went out of the group. ) It was a fun experience, fun bonding with my blockmates there and other interns.

Then the 5th year of college started with a lot of bizarre things happening around me. Though I think it’s safer not to mention them here. Hahahah~!

But just to review this year,

I met new people, new friends to rely on but I also got in touch (more importantly) with my barkada who are really there for me when I needed them. I also missed the bondings and chats (and also the chismis). With them, I can say things are changing. Then in school, I met more people that I can bond with. These people are a complete surprise to me because, I wasn’t expecting that I can really bond with them. To pay back, just like to my barkada and to anyone close to me, I tried to be a reliable person to them. I was able to share stories to them and it was a memorable event for me.

Just before the year ended, I met more people from another center, who accomodated me well during our activity in Laguna Hills. It’s nice to be with other people (more when you’re the odd one out). They proved to me that I can be sociable, can hang out with other people and make my habit of making assumptions fly away. (thanks, Fr. Francis, you’re the man)

LSAT, my beloved team was the best experience of university service I had in my concluding 5 years of college. Met different people, different working situations, different student attitudes, but same wacky but also serious REGCOM, same people who stayed with me until my last duty, same family. Yes, this is a family of mine here. Though some went out already but I understood their reasons. I can’t really force them into this but I will miss them so much as memories were formed with them. And I will miss them more and more when I’m out.

Academics! Oh academics, I think I was able to bag down the DL for the first semester. though I’m strugglin’ a bit this second semester, it still reminds me to push harder and harder for the last leg of the race.

Social Life? I guess I’m improving but the perky side, I’m not really sure. Take it from me, I’m very kuripot and will only spend for something I know would really be worth it. But as I’ve mentioned above, when it comes to bonding sessions,  I met a lot of people which fitted the bill.

Love Life? trying to revive it. though it might end up a failure again, at least I can say I pushed more courage this time before. and that makes it a good experience.

Lots of stories heard as well and they were all worth the listening. I’ve given advices I hope I’d do in the future for myself, drank more coke than before…

..less alcohol, though and for me that’s nice…

…still 42.5 kilos, same dilemmas but killing them down one by one. I was actually reading my hidden blog and I was kind of “emo” for most of the time.

But I think the most important thing that happened this year is that no matter how much happiness or sadness came, no matter how much disappointment and frustrations I encoutered, I enjoyed life as it is. Push more to bring better results, ask myself what’s the next best thing to do when things go wrong and share the joy when I encounter something that makes me happy. With the people who cared for me, thank you very much. Let’s welcome this new year with more enthusiasm, optimism, courage, strength and effort to make things always on the right direction. Happy 2011, Happy 2012!

And as always, I’m always open to opinions. Oh, for the people who will read this, write comments here, not on facebook. )

And also for once, I really like to know who among my circle of friends are reading this blog. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hide stuff after knowing the people reading this blog.

So why the title? You know those times or moments that made you happy somehow in your life and then they’re all gone, hidden, buried away somewhere, hoping it will return? I do find it a bit disappointing if I’m honest. It can be due to something that appeared or happened or probably just a matter of time and all other possible reasons that can affect things the way they were. Of course, you or I could have done something about it but sometimes, it really catches you by  surprise that it leaves you powerless to change the course of things. Although sometimes, you might be assuming things beyond the acceptable point. But you know that feeling, that things are different now and it feels like it’s gonna be like that for a while or forever.

Somehow, it has a connection to one of my previous post, if you have read it. You being the person who is needed or can be bothered at the worst of times and then become a ghost or vanish all of a sudden when things go well. Then, when you try to turn things around to your favor, the world suddenly kicks in an go against you, sometimes at the very nasty way one can think of. It’s sad as this “world” can only see the outer shell, most of the time. Of course, the danger of assumptions is still there and one should be really careful not to jump to conclusions.

Sometimes, I would just sit down and see how things go and fly by. Being bothered whether I should have done something about doesn’t really matter much unless it’s a super serious situation. Though some people say you should fight for yourself but you know those times when you really feel powerless and say “Oh…yeah…never mind. There are other things to do..” And as I’ve said earlier, people around might think against you since they’re seeing something that seems to go well and might get wrong if you butt in.

I remembered what my mentor told be about such situations. He told me a story about a UP student who got 5.0 on a test but studied hard for it. What that student did was to go back home and simply play basketball. Then reflect. I also do that for most of the time. Do some hobbies I like and then try to figure things out. Sometimes, it’s our fault, sometimes it’s others’ and sometimes it’s fate.

I’m just thankful that I have close friends that I can bother and tell stories to. Somehow it relaxes me when I tell my frustrations to them. Of course, I’m not like the people I mentioned above who make my friends like ghosts when I don’t need them. I do cherish them so much. I try my best to connect to them and try to see how they’re doing. I love them so much.

I so want answers for this matter. If you want to share ideas or stories related or you want me to think about certain things regarding this matter, please do so. And do it here. I would really love to hear from you.

It is so much fun. Bonding with friends, saying stories, listen to stories, give advice, I miss those times and now it’s here again. I will really cherish this annual meeting no matter how big or small the celebration may be. 

I don’t know if it’s “safe” to talk about matters mentioned during our bonding. >:) Let’s just say there’s a particular decision that I’m thinking of doing or not. Of course, hearty conversations and a lot of “What if’s” were asked, trying to gauge every scenario that can happen with a yes or no on that particular decision. What’s interesting is that different minds, different opinions get to join into a unanimous answer (though I haven’t received that unanimous answer but I’ll get there) This decision of mine has the tendency to ruin things, if I’m a bit frank. Though it’s up to me whether to push through or not, things might not be the same again, at some point, if I push through or I’ll suffer the frustrations if I don’t. But either way is not really that of a big matter for now. (I hope. )

I do cherish my close friends. They are the ones who are really there when you need them. I know I saw them recently, but I suddenly missed them again. I miss them so much.

’nuff said. Monster doin’ it right. )

Sometimes, people ditch you, not pay attention to you as much as before and the like… But, there is always a bunch of things to do and to think about! So stay happy and be cool always.