Quite hard to find, if I’m honest. I think this is life’s biggest challenge or probably one of life’s biggest challenges that shall end only when you die. 
Oh how I want to see my friends now. Friends outside Ateneo but I guess they are all busy because this is their graduating year. Hay.
Suddenly, I had this feeling again of being desperate to fit myself into a place. As if I don’t belong no matter how I try. I don’t know but I really pay so much into importance. If I feel that I am not that important to a place, a group of people or a person, I do leave that place or people. Sometimes, I don’t know if I am really carrying that title “Kuya Pau” very well. Sometimes, I don’t feel that position and that people rarely recognize that. Am I really present?
If I am pessimistic (and I am starting to be), people around me recognize my presence just to make me feel as if I am there but not reeeaally that important. That’s why sometimes, I get frustrated or disappointed when people call me Kuya. I know it has something to give me, being that “Kuya” but I don’t know… am I really that person?
Oh well. I think I’ve had enough. Maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions again but this one’s awkward because not only it haunts me badly, it freaks me out most of the time. It was a good experience going into this place and it’s fine if I go out of it or stay. I think I also found the answer but I can’t reach it yet. The answer to the question that was given to me before I entered this place.
Unwinding, huh. I watched a movie, after what, months? then I finally got to taste beer again! Then after that, I went to Krispy Kreme. Missed the red sign 
Oh well. It was not enough, I wanted mooooore. It’s like an unfinished soul searching. identity search…..
Hay. I want a change of style, pace, life. I really want to change eeeverything. I hate this state, view, experiences. I want to change. I badly want to…
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